Pinterest is Porn

Food porn.  Hours and hours upon hours of food porn.
I don't really have a substantial update, just wanted to pop in and ramble a little before breakfast.
I did not take food pictures at Thanksgiving; my mom isn't a fan of the digital documentation, and I was just busy enjoying my family.  I've been attempting to take a little step back from the constant internet/social media thing.  And just live.  A) I don't want to be rude, playing on my phone all of the time and B) I really should be consciously enjoying every second of my current situation.  Be present.

I just ordered a new heart rate monitor.  I currently have the Polar FT40 and it's been on the fritz.  I changed the battery in the watch itself, but the computer battery needs to be changed and is fairly impossible to open.  I purchased it two years ago, when I first started lifting/doing more than straight steady state cardio, and I didn't want to spend a ton of money if it wasn't something I'd stick with.  That was my initial justification for picking the gym I did, and not starting right away at LT, where I am now.  I'm glad, of course, that things worked out the way they did.  Who knows where I'd be if things happened differently.  I like the FT40, but I've upgraded to the FT60 and I'm excited to see how I find the change.  I'll keep you posted.

I reworked my food plan.  I've been feeling kind of fluffy lately.  I don't typically weigh myself because that can become quite a head game issue for me; I get obsessive and that's never healthy.  However, I wanted to see if the "fluffy" thing was all in my head or if I had been gaining.  So I weighed myself, and I need to get my diet back under control.  You can't out train a bad diet.  It's so true, to have visible (not just strength) improvement, I have to get my diet straightened out. Doesn't matter how on-point my workouts are, if I eat poorly I won't look the way I'd like to.  And that mentality was changing how I perceived the gym.  It became a game of hitting the right number of calories burned to justify what I was going to eat, or "I can quit now, I hit that number" - and leaving before I finished whatever I was training.  They shouldn't be so intertwined, mentally.  I need my diet to be good and I need to focus on form in the gym.
So, in sad news, I've eliminated the baked goods for breakfast.  Even though they're on point for my macros and are mostly clean, I feel that having something sweet in the morning sets me up for cravings all day long.  So breakfast is now baked chicken with sweet potato mash.  I'm kind of proud of the mash.  I combined a bag of cauliflower (frozen and thawed) to the cooked sweet potato in the Vitamix.  You can't tell the cauliflower is in there, and it makes the portion size much larger.  Score.  I'm being more diligent with my hydration, which is good.  The scale is already down 2 pounds; I think the initial jump was from a very extended cheat meal.  Or day.  Cheat day.  Sigh.
So, for anyone interested or just for my records, haha, here is the current meal plan.
1) Chicken and sweet potato mash
2) Recovery shake (drink 1/4 pre workout and finish in the car) - I finally bought good whey for this shake... Cellucor Cor-fetti flavor.  Yeah, they make funfetti flavored protein powder and it is AWESOME.  AWESOME.
3) Chicken, half a sweet potato, zucchini, asparagus and green beans
4) Crumbled chicken breast, browned with onion and green pepper, stuffed in half of an acorn squash
5) Grilled chicken stir fry with miracle noodles, asparagus, green beans and water chestnuts and sprouts
6) Casein shake with 80 calorie pack of Justin's almond butter.  I have to buy the more expensive, wasteful prepackaged nut butters.  Even PB2 is unsafe around me.  

So, reduced carbs, and about 200 calories of wiggle room that should be mostly protein but often isn't.  There are only two "unclean" foods in my diet.  Sugar free jello pudding mix (great for baking, frostings and protein shakes) and diet hot chocolate mix.  Yes, I know, I know, awful, but I love them and find them impossible to kick.  I'll get there.  There isn't even dairy in this plan.  I miss Greek yogurt dessert.  My last meal usually ends up in "protein ice cream" form, which means I: shake almond milk with casein and a pack of trivia and then pour it into an ice cube tray and freeze it for a few hours.  Then reblend in the Vitamix. I pretend it is ice cream.  Yesterday I was super good and the extra calories came from protein and fat.  I never hit my numbers for fat.  I think its some subconscious twitch from growing up in the late 80's and early 90's but I'm fat avoidant.  I'm working on it.

Presently, I'm torturing myself by looking at Pinterest for food inspiration.  My boyfriend's week will consist of bacon, egg and cheese bagel breakfast sandwiches, Oreo/M&M bars and meatballs.  Yeah, it's meatball week, haha.  Tonight will involved meatball bites.  Basically meatballs, marinara and mozzarella inside of a baked dough ball.  I want these things.  Sigh.  I also wanted to do meatball subs, but this is kind of like deconstructed meatball sandwiches so I'll have to come up with something else.  Meatball pizza?  Does that exist?  It does now.  Boom, problem solved.

Ok, gotta go eat some chicken breast and dream about my 9pm meal, aka reason to live.  Oh, almond butter.

I woke up happy and grateful today.  I'm grateful for what I am able to do, and not do.

Oh, almost forgot.  I am doing a three week cycle of circuit training, moderate weight and reps.  When I'm doing the work, I can't help but think, "this isn't doing anything.  I hate this.  I want to barf" and I despise it.  Then the next day, random things are sore, so I know it's working... And if I hate something this much, it must be good for me.  We shall see.  An example to illustrate how very much I hate this workout split:  Today is cardio day, and I'm delighted.  I prefer cardio to these circuits.  WHAT.  THE.  HECK.  Yeah, heck, I said it.  I never thought I'd look forward to cardio and abs day.  But parts of me are sore I didn't know existed until this week.  AND I've only done 3 of the 5 workouts.  There is another leg day headed my way and man, there are really some body weight moves that kill.  Kill me, anyway.  I am a lazy, low rep, heavy lifter.  I was doing lunges with a 25lb plate over my head, totally embarrassed to be A) lunging (I have no balance.  None.) and B) doing it for such an extended period of time.  My trainer buddy said hi to me, and I just kind of glared and nodded and finished my stupid lunges before talking to him.  About how much I hate circuit work (which, by the way I'm not doing very well, since I can find time to take a five minute break to bitch about the work, which should be done rapidly...) and I finally admit aloud the following, "Yeah, if it's over 8 reps I kind of hate it." Moo, meathead.  Lazy lifter! Cardio, what, is that Spanish?  Ha.  It's true, though.  There are days I think back to before I started living like this.  When I owned one pair of actual tennis shoes and never wore them.  When I didn't own yoga pants, or shorts, or really many sweatshirts.  When, if someone told me I'd be spending a big chunk of Saturday morning at the gym, I'd have laughed at them.  I don't recognize that person anymore, and that is so awesome.  I don't even recognize the person that came after that one. The cardio bunny who was scared of the weight room.  Seriously, what?  Who was that?!?  I used to love cardio???  I'm happy with my life.

Hope everyone has a great day!

For Claudia

Per request, here is a rough outline of how I make my baked protein goodies.  I tweak based on my mood, what ingredients I have on hand, and how the mix looks.  If I'm making pancakes, I add more liquid, less for muffins and mini loaves. I generally eat these for breakfast, or a pre-workout snack.  These fit my macros well, and are fairly low calorie. You can use more protein powder and up the wet ingredients accordingly to increase the protein content & calories.

The following is for an individual serving, generally one loaf or two jumbo muffins.  Or you can make it in a mug and microwave it for a few minutes.  Easy peasy.

DRY
2 tbsp coconut flour
1 tbsp oat flour
1 tbsp (.25 scoop) protein powder of choice.  (I've been using either Nutrabolics Iso in Cinnamon Oatmeal or Cellucor Whey Molten Chocolate a lot lately.)
2 to 3 packets stevia (yes, I have a sugar problem)
pinch of baking powder (1/4 tsp?)
*If I'm making a chocolate one, I'd add 1 tbsp Hershey's baking cocoa
*Don't need salt if you're using protein powder; it's in there
Mix dry ingredients

WET
3 to 4 tbsp liquid egg white
1/4 cup pure pumpkin puree OR 1/3 medium banana (melt banana in microwave for easy mashing)
*I choose based on the flavor I'm going for.  With chocolate, either works.  For berry, the banana is best.  Either is good alone.  If you're using berries, add 1/4 cup frozen mixed berries & microwave with banana.
Splash of vanilla /butter/maple/extract of choice
1/4 to 1/2 cup milk of choice (Water works, too.)
*Note about the milk:  when baking with coconut flour, you generally need more liquid.  I don't measure, I just eyeball it.  Let the mix sit for a minute or two, as the flour will continue to absorb.  
Add to dry ingredients and mix.
Adjust to desired consistency.
*Lately, I've been adding a splash of apple cider vinegar to activate the baking powder; it makes them fluffier.  I only do this for the muffins or loaves.

Bake at 375* for 30 to 35 minutes.  I start checking it around 30 minutes.  The longest I've had to bake them was 40.  If you're making a mug cake, it's about 2 to 3 minutes, depending on the strength of your microwave.

If you'd like a topping, here are some suggestions:
Walden Farms syrups
Protein sludge (Protein powder mixed with a small amount of milk)
Greek yogurt with protein powder blended in.  Or, if you eat it, Jello Pudding Sugar Free mix, 1 tbsp., when blended into yogurt, turns into something with a consistency VERY similar to frosting.  It's just not "clean" if you care.
Laughing cow light original with a packet of stevia and a splash of milk, microwaved briefly and blended together
Melted banana/berries

The food post...

Happy Friday, everyone!  The other day, one of my friends quipped that, "Friday doesn't mean anything to you anymore, does it?"  Wrong.  Friday means a) I get to see my boyfriend for more than a few hours in the evening, and b) the gym will busier than usual.  Good and bad.  It means I'm another week closer to school, which is exciting, and responsibility, which is not as exciting.  I still like Fridays, thank you very much.

I've been cooking and baking a lot lately, which I mentioned in my last update.

Healthy foods and not-so-healthy foods.

Let's start with the not-so-healthy.  I've been on a bit of a cookie-kick.  

Funfetti cheesecake cookies with white chocolate chips.

I kind of made this one up based on a recipe for Eagle Brand Bars.  It involves a graham cracker base, peanut butter, honey roasted peanuts and chocolate chips.  Oh, and more peanut butter.

Cherry chip with white chocolate chips.

Double chocolate with white chocolate chips and caramel pieces.  Randomly found baking caramel at Target and had to do something... SOMETHING... with it.  

Excuse the ugly muffin tin.  These are my unbaked"breakfast cupcakes" - Egg, bacon and cheese in buttermilk biscuit dough.  

Million dollar mac n cheese.  The simplest, yet most involved (and best, IMO) thing that I like to make.  Of course, I can't eat it.  Involves white sharp cheddar, romano, and gruyere with real breadcrumbs.  

Deconstructed white (chicken) lasagna.  This, friends, is why I shouldn't be allowed on Pinterest.  

Let's compare this to "my" foods....

Pumpkin crepe with cinnamon "cream cheese" filling.  This was extremely low in calories, high in protein and surprisingly awesome.  Seriously. 

I'd forgotten how awesome my cast iron skillet can be.  Turkey breast tenderloins, browned and then roasted.  Since they're so low in fat, they typically dry out and are kinda "meh"... not this time.

Typical dinner these days.  Chicken and veggies.  

I obviously didn't make this, but it MADE MY DAY.  They have taco seasoning, too.

Pumpkin season (for me, anyway) is drawing to a close so I fully intend to overdose up until Thanksgiving.  These were pumpkin muffins, which I've been having for breakfast just about every day.  The macro breakdown is phenomenal.  Coconut flour, egg white, pumpkin, cinnamon, and protein powder are the main ingredients.

Pumpkin pancake, same ingredients as the muffins but in a different form.

Not the best picture, but my new favorite thing.  Mexican hot chocolate protein muffins.  These were a happy accident - I grabbed the cayenne instead of cinnamon one morning... Cellucor molten chocolate whey, coconut and oat flour, some pumpkin, egg white, Hershey's baking cocoa, cinnamon and cayenne.

So, yeah, I've really been loving this whole time to cook in the mornings (or time to do anything, period) thing.  Really, really enjoying.  Extra 'really' for emphasis.  

Making some gains.

It's funny (no, it's not) - turns out when you eat, you feel better.  Lift heavier.  Don't feel like passing out all of the time.  Yesterday I was dead lifting close to my body weight.  I was dead lifting OVER what I weighed this time last year.  I am very happy with all I've accomplished this year.  I have days that are better than others, and I'm still working hard on cultivating a positive inner voice, but I am making progress.  

Enough with the seriousness. 

Seriously.

I think my next post will be on the subject of gym etiquette.  Cause it's fairly nonexistent, and I have a good story.  Hope everyone has a great weekend!

PEANUT BUTTER!!! And stuff.

That's right, November is National Peanut Butter Lover's Month.  Peanut butter is probably my favorite food.  Period.  Well, I adore all nut butters, almond butter runs a close second, and cashew, and that delicious chocolate hazelnut spread that I can't eat anymore... You get where I'm going with this.  Peanut butter is the best.  I would pick it over chocolate any day.

In the past, I have been know (on more than one occasion) to have eaten an entire jar with a spoon.  The fact that I typically buy the all natural, no sugar added, basically just ground peanuts version does not, in any way, make this more acceptable.  Yes, I got sick each time.  No, I did not learn my lesson right away.  You'll never find me with a pint of ice cream, wolfing it down in front of the TV (maybe watching Lifetime...)  I choose to take it to the next level, and will devour an entire container of PB in one sitting.

I eventually learned that keeping it in the house was verboten.  Even PB2, the low fat, low calorie powdered version only lasts a few days around me.  I've been spending a substantial amount of time at my boyfriend's house lately, and a jar sat unopened for months.  I was so proud that I didn't even touch it... Until a few days ago, when I baked some cookie bars that called for PB.
(I've been baking again lately, but I'll save that update for another time.  Both "normal" and "fitness" foods have been happening, and I'm in heaven.)

Since the jar was opened, I have resisted it.  This is a huge deal for me.  It's been a goal of mine to work on self-control.  My boyfriend does not eat the same way that I do.  I'm just thrilled when he eats most days, and have minimal concern regarding what he is eating.  And it's nice to have someone to bake and cook for again; I had forgotten how much I love dreaming things up in the kitchen.

Last night, I was making a "protein pop-tart" - one of my new favorite healthy desserts.  (Or pre workout meal, or snack... or lunch, some days.)  They're easy, the macros are pretty dead on, and they feel like a treat.  I was using peanut butter in the topping, and had just grabbed the jar out from behind a box of crackers where I keep it out sight. (Therefore generally out of mind.  Wait, who am I kidding...)
He walks into the kitchen and says, "are you allowed to have peanut butter?"  It made my night.  He knows I don't typically keep it around, but I hadn't explained why, and given my numerous food allergies, it was a valid question.  Long story short, this whole thing has been a victory.  I need to learn to be around foods of all sorts again.  Early on in my eating-issue-recovery process, it was just easier to never be around the item(s) that gave me troubles.  Having worked through a lot of my problems, I think it's time that I slowly start challenging myself.

The last few weeks have been wonderful.  Absolutely wonderful.  I have days that are easier than others, but holistically speaking - amazing.

Have a great day!

News

Well, I can finally break my silence.  I quit my job to go back to school & study nutrition.  Thursday was my last day, and it was surreal.  I don't think it's sunk in that I'm unemployed.  I have yet to start panicking...  Maybe I won't.
I had a great weekend; got out of town for a bit.  Much needed unplugging and relaxation.
Today was my first official day off, in my head at least, as I had planned taking Friday off for a few months.  I got up at 6, drank coffee, read.  Killed legs at the gym (new workout, and I'm sore already which is not a good sign - or an excellent one, depending on your viewpoint.)  Went grocery shopping, hung out with Willie, and prepped my super-awesome breakfast "cupcakes" for a super awesome person.
Now I'm going to FINALLY sit down.  Some people thought I'd get bored not working.  I begged to differ, and if today is any indication of what's to come, I won't get bored.  Plus, with school... sigh, not likely.  I always say that boredom is a luxury with which I am unfamiliar.  It's true.
I didn't food prep this week, which would normally have me coming slightly unhinged, but since I get to cook at home... I will survive a week without my tupperware meals.  Plus, I have a few backups anyways :)

Super exciting stuff!

There are some amazing things in the works and I will share soon, promise.
For now, here is a photo summary of some of the fun things that have been happening in my world.

A little progress in the gym, not too shabby!

My mom cleaned my apartment... (As I sat on the couch and watched golf.)

Because it's "fun and relaxing" and I'm not gonna deprive her of "fun"...

I took my dad to a Brown's game.  We didn't win, but the seats were pretty great!

This is my "great interception, Weeden" face.

Life, if nothing else, is headed in a direction that I'm very, very excited about.

I'm alive!

Really!  And I promise to update this soon, but life has been pretty hectic lately and time keeps slipping away.  But I am alive!  And so is Willie!