In the past, I have been know (on more than one occasion) to have eaten an entire jar with a spoon. The fact that I typically buy the all natural, no sugar added, basically just ground peanuts version does not, in any way, make this more acceptable. Yes, I got sick each time. No, I did not learn my lesson right away. You'll never find me with a pint of ice cream, wolfing it down in front of the TV (maybe watching Lifetime...) I choose to take it to the next level, and will devour an entire container of PB in one sitting.
I eventually learned that keeping it in the house was verboten. Even PB2, the low fat, low calorie powdered version only lasts a few days around me. I've been spending a substantial amount of time at my boyfriend's house lately, and a jar sat unopened for months. I was so proud that I didn't even touch it... Until a few days ago, when I baked some cookie bars that called for PB.
(I've been baking again lately, but I'll save that update for another time. Both "normal" and "fitness" foods have been happening, and I'm in heaven.)
Since the jar was opened, I have resisted it. This is a huge deal for me. It's been a goal of mine to work on self-control. My boyfriend does not eat the same way that I do. I'm just thrilled when he eats most days, and have minimal concern regarding what he is eating. And it's nice to have someone to bake and cook for again; I had forgotten how much I love dreaming things up in the kitchen.
Last night, I was making a "protein pop-tart" - one of my new favorite healthy desserts. (Or pre workout meal, or snack... or lunch, some days.) They're easy, the macros are pretty dead on, and they feel like a treat. I was using peanut butter in the topping, and had just grabbed the jar out from behind a box of crackers where I keep it out sight. (Therefore generally out of mind. Wait, who am I kidding...)
He walks into the kitchen and says, "are you allowed to have peanut butter?" It made my night. He knows I don't typically keep it around, but I hadn't explained why, and given my numerous food allergies, it was a valid question. Long story short, this whole thing has been a victory. I need to learn to be around foods of all sorts again. Early on in my eating-issue-recovery process, it was just easier to never be around the item(s) that gave me troubles. Having worked through a lot of my problems, I think it's time that I slowly start challenging myself.
The last few weeks have been wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. I have days that are easier than others, but holistically speaking - amazing.
Have a great day!
No comments:
Post a Comment