Things that have changed since my last update:
- I graduated nursing school with a 4.0. To date, this is by far my greatest accomplishment, but it did come at a significant cost. The price included: 1) my "bodybuilding body", 2) some relationships, 3) a good chunk of my sanity, and likely 4) multiple years off of my life.
- I passed the NCLEX in 75 questions and in under 90 minutes. The test proctor asked me if I was taking a break as I went to sign out. This gave me a mild heart attack, because I assumed this meant that I definitely failed, and failed hard. Those two days of waiting were the absolute worst. The test itself, though, was significantly easier than I expected. Probably because my obsessive self studied for two months longer than I should have.
- I am working as a night shift RN on the step-down unit of a small, local-ish hospital. My commute is 25 minutes which is BY FAR the best commute I've had in forever-ever. The unit is bananas, and the patient acuity is significantly higher than I had anticipated... I wrongfully assumed that all step-down would be "glorified med-surg." I'm sure this depends entirely on the individual hospital, their resources, their ICU size and acuity, etc., etc., etc., but our SDU acuity level typically leans more towards ICU than med-surg, minus the vents, pressor drips or insulin drips. Every now and then, the med-surg floors fill up and we get overflow, or you have someone there for med initiation, and you get a nice night full of walkie-talkies, but in the six months I've been there, this has happened to me exactly one time. This leads me to my next point...
- I have accepted a full time day shift position, so in two short weeks I will be rejoining the living! I'm incredibly apprehensive about the work load, change in work flow, different coworkers, more management, more doctors, more family, just more more more. Except the "I feel like I'm physically ill and/or dying pretty much every day of my life" thing will (fingers crossed) go away, right? I love my night shift coworkers, I love the environment, I love having more time with my patients without all the noise and craziness around, but I am way too old to have a sleeping schedule that is so whacked out. I do want to stay married, and night shift me is realllyyyyyy difficult to be around.
- The gym stopped being the center of my universe during the last semester of nursing school. My priorities shifted in a huge way. I had made it so far into this program with straight A's that I probably would have murdered a family of five to keep that GPA. I never stopped lifting, but it went from 5-6 days to 4-5 days and the intensity took a turn for the worse. I've been doing OK with food prep and putting in the work at the gym since I've started working, but again, the irregular sleep schedule has me fighting an uphill battle with my biological rhythms. It's definitely feast or famine. I'm on a push/pull split, which allows me the flexibility I need with my crazy schedule, but again, it's just a hobby right now, not something I'm passionate about. It's really hard to feel passionately about anything when you're permanently exhausted. I am rarely not tired. It's awful. I sincerely hope day shift life improves this situation.
- I don't know why I stopped writing all together. Well, I guess I know; it wasn't a priority and I didn't make it one. I probably won't start making time until I feel more settled into my job and less perpetually anxious. So don't hold your breath. I've always kept a blog as a way of remembering things, since my memory is so piss poor. I need to start doing it again, even if they're just poorly written little paragraphs every month or so.
Again, not dead... but no promises to ever update this again, either. In closing, some relevant nursing memes.
Additional fun facts: Prior to starting my nightshift job, I had seen maybe the first two or three seasons of The Office. It was just OK to me. Perhaps I am a little too empathetic and sensitive, because very early-season Micheal got himself into these situations that made me so physically uncomfortable, I just couldn't watch it. Literally, skin crawling, want to hide, change channel, done. Well, something switched because I'm currently halfway through the series for the third time. I watch it only when attempting sleep or getting ready for work, and Michael's antics seriously help me mentally prepare for whatever my shift holds. Honestly, I don't hate the later seasons that much either. Not the same without Steve Carell but not unwatchable, either.
In closing,
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