Still alive!

I am the world's worst blogger these days.  Here's what's been going on:

School - got all A's for the first semester, had a couple of weeks off, and start summer classes in a week.  Taking Microbiology this summer, a five week class.  I keep reminding myself "you can do anything for five weeks" in an attempt to not completely freak out over this one.  Then in the fall I have Organic Chemistry, Human Anatomy I and their accompanying labs, and a nutrition class.  I like taking the hardest classes together, of course, that was intentional.  Ha, ha, ha.... slow clap... it was the only way I could schedule this semester.  I had no intention of tackling the two classes with the highest failure rates in my program at the same time.    Barf.  Yay for science, says the HR chick...
The other day my boyfriend said something that included the sentence, "... and this major is much more difficult than your first one" which delighted me... that he is aware of the fact that science is hard and business was memorization and common sense.  I'm not smart enough to have chemistry come as "common sense" to me.  Double barf.

Gym - I took a week off from lifting, which I try to do every 12 or so weeks, but hadn't done since Christmas.  I did, however, do cardio all week to keep myself sane.  This is my first week back and it's been awesome.  I also took that week off of pre-workouts, and have reintroduced a fat burner, so I'm full of chemically-induced happiness and energy.  I'm on the same split, which I started about 2 weeks before the rest week.  6 days of lifting, hitting glutes three times a week (two leg days, and on one of the back days), shoulders twice, back split into two days... it's a beast but I love it.  I'm even OK with the fact that I can't, uh, sit down without wincing.  My hammies and glutes hate me, but I love it.  I had been doing it straight through, but I think it's gonna start looking like 3 on, 1 off, mostly because I'm being a baby.  However, I don't like going to the gym on Sundays (or Saturdays for that matter, it's been busier and busier lately... gross) but it looks like I may have to suck it up.

Food - still the weak area, but vastly improved.  I'm slowly leaning out for summer, which is awesome, but man I love food too much!  This about sums it up:

(Although I truly detest the first quote.  Gotta throw that out there. Whoever came up with that has obviously never had peanut butter.) Same food plan, just actually sticking to it, and seeing results.  My plan is to slowly lean down through the summer, then spend the fall/winter reverse dieting back up and focusing on building MOAR MUSCLE!  GRRRR!  I've added cardio back in, which of course I hate, but I do love the results and the sense of accomplishment that comes from sticking out something you detest for an extended period of time.  When I get frustrated with my "slow" results, I have to stop, remind myself of where I came from, and what it took to get where I am now, and that I should be proud, even if I'm not where I want to be just yet.  At my worst, about 3 years ago, I weighed 92 lbs and ate around 700-800 calories a day.  I did 30+ minutes of cardio intervals every day, usually twice, and was so miserable I can't begin to describe it to you.  I thought about food every second of every day.  No fun.
I eat about 3 times that now, and can walk up stairs without wanting to die.  One day I will post comparison pictures, but right now I can't look at that version of myself without feeling like garbage.  I know I've talked about this before, but honestly, I need to remind myself.  Some days, it's tempting to say screw it, and go back to my cardio queen ways.  No dice.  No. Effing.  Dice.

Other - of course, related to gym/food.  I'm working out with my former trainer today, which I haven't done in a month or two.  Those workouts are always fun.  I'll be grateful to him forever-ever.  He knew me at my worst, never pushed the food issue (which you may or may not know will really backfire on you when you're dealing with a person that has food-problems), and nudged me in the right direction.  "Cardio AND?" was the extent of the pushing.  (I used to do some light ab work to be able to reply with something other than a blank look, my have things changed.)  #hero

Competition - still a no.  I keep getting asked if/when I'm competing and I generally just say no, stare at my feet, and brush it off.  Primarily because I don't like chatting at the gym, but also because "no, I'm in recovery from an eating disorder and it's probably not a good idea for me to get so obsessive about something" is a little too personal for gym-strangers.  (But not internet strangers, logic at its finest.)  So, still no.


The rest:

This little bit of awesome entered our lives recently.

And makes cheat meals even better.  Steak and veggies.

I love my boyfriend enough to do yard work.  If you know me, you understand the significance.  

Seriously, though, it was 11 yards of mulch, which (apparently, i had no idea) is a lot.  I did a big chunk of the loading and pushing the wheelbarrow.  Luckily this happened during my "rest" week so I was eager to do something that resembled lifting.  Good timing, sir, good timing.  

I travel light.  Also, the gallon jug on the left is amazing.  A) it benefits a great charity, B) it keeps me on track, and C) drink all the water, pee all the time!!!!  If you're interested, here's the link: JUST DRANK!  

Slow and steady wins the race.  Slow progress is still progress.  I can't wait to see what's under the blubber.

Willie is still a cathole.  

Thanks for reading, and have a great week!

Photo update

So, I'm taking a little break from studying for two tests tomorrow... Quick break, so here's what's new and/or exciting:

New shirt. Don't worry, I don't wear it out of the house...

My newest obsession:  Protein donuts.  These are cinnamon & vanilla with a maple glaze.  

Jawbone UP24, replacing the original one.  Jawbone, you get ONE LAST CHANCE.  Redeem yourself!

I like to pretend that they're real donuts...

I don't typically like orange flavors, but man, this is good.

Ok, back to the grind.

How is it March already, and why won't the weather cooperate?!?

Hi!  Still alive, just insanely busy.  School has been going really well, I have A's in both of my classes.  It has been keeping me so, so busy, between the gym, food prep, school, and periodically cleaning the house, I've had minimal (read - zero) time to write.  Or do much of anything else.

I've gotten my diet back on track, and I'm about 3 weeks in to a new split - 3 distinct upper body workout days, each with an area of focus, and 2 lower days, one hamstring focused, one quad focused, both hit calves and glutes.  It's too soon to say how effective it's been, but I'm enjoying it.  The basic outline of the upper days is two "big" lifts (bench press, push press, bent row, etc.) followed by a handful of smaller exercises.  Leg day is the same, one has front squats and deads, the other has traditional squats and stiff leg deads.  I kind of like having my dead lifts on leg day, as opposed to part of back day.

What I should be doing right now is studying for a nutrition exam on protein.  I love that class, and I'm so happy about that, because it kind of reaffirms my decision to go back to school.  For my big psychology paper, I choose the topic related to recruiting and organizational behavior.  I figured it would be easier, given my background.  I have a degree in Labor Relations, I'm PHR certified (still, not for too much longer), and I worked in HR for four years.  It did make it easier, and the whole thing, writing it, was an exercise in gratitude.  Yes, organizational behavior is still interesting to me, and I do enjoy the theoretical side of human resources.  (Practical not so much.) I was amazed at the amount of information I retained from college, but it also reminded me of how happy I am to have the opportunity to go back and pursue something that I'm genuinely passionate about.

We got a new dishwasher, and it's pretty awesome.  The fact that I'm excited about household appliances makes me feel so old and boring.  I was just telling my best friend that four years ago, I owned one pair of tennis shoes (that I never wore) and maybe one pair of yoga pants.  Now I have a sneaker obsession and way more gym clothes than "grown up" clothes.  No more cigarettes, booze, crazy late nights... I barely remember being that person.  Grateful for that, too.

Within the last month, I've had 5 different people, strangers, come up to me and ask me if I was getting ready for a competition.  Which, to me, is the highest compliment.  Like, ever.  No, nope.  No contest.  Then they always ask why.  I typically quip back with something about liking food too much and just let it go.  But that stuck with me... why not?  And I know.  The answer is twofold.  A) the diet, being that strict, and the cardio commitment... I don't know if that's a good idea for me, given my background.  And the fact that I am insanely busy right now.  And B) I like my legs the way they are and I KNOW I'd have to build my quads to successfully compete.  And I don't wanna. But still, I love that question, because it means I  must be doing something right.  And I met a really nice girl at my gym that is getting ready for the Lakewood show coming up this month.  My trainer buddy is doing that show too, and hopefully I will be there.

Sixpack bag, finally.

It's hard to tell in this tiny picture, but I need to stop scraping my collar bone doing squats.

These are pre workout gummies, I'll post more about these later.

Seriously, this thing is the best. 

New workout gear courtesy of the best boyfriend ever.  

So, yeah, that's about it.  It's sunny outside, which is so refreshing, I can not wait for spring!  Take care!

I'm alive.

Really, I'm alive.
I've got a ton of studying to do today, and probably shouldn't be procrastinating online, so I'll give you a brief summary of the last few weeks.

1) School started and I love it.  My classes are harder this time around - which is most likely due to the fact that I'm not used to thinking so much (haha), and I haven't had a real science class in over a decade.
2) I got a new car!  2012 VW Tiguan, it rocks.  I'll put pictures up later.
3) GAINZ!!! I've been enjoying my time at the gym again, thank goodness.  I've been making steady progress, and have been focusing more on basic compound lifts.  I'd like to get back into Olympic lifting, and have been talking to a trainer friend at my current gym about that.  We shall see.

That's the short list, but hopefully I will have a little more time to update soon.  Off to memorize the parts of the brain.  Seriously, even my highest level management/economics/finance/accounting classes were easier than, of all things, psychology 101.  Too.  Much.  SCIENCE!!!

I do love it, though.

Cat + cold + insomnia = CHRISTMAS POST!

Apologies for the lack of blogging action lately, between the Holidays and gearing up for school, I've had my hands full. Oh, and I've been kind of unmotivated, so that factors in there as well.  I'll write more about that - motivation - shortly.
I seem to have caught one of the many, many nasty little bugs that has been floating around Northeast Ohio, and I'm pretty miserable.  Not as bad as what my boyfriend had, thank god, this is more cold than flu, but still.  (I'm fairly certain he had a mild form of the plague.)  Can't stop coughing and nothing tastes right, which is a real bummer.  Since I slacked around Thanksgiving, I made sure to properly document my mother's awesome adventures in the kitchen at Christmas, while still being 'in the moment'.  Also known as "I took a few pictures and then got lazy" but here ya' go:

My silly little fake tree.  Willie is investigating.  (My house.)

Parent's house, Christmas 2013

We had tea.

My mom collects Christmas "smokers"

We played board games.

We stopped keeping score because my mom always smokes us at trivia games.

More decorations.

The table.

Forgive the horrible lighting, all pictures taken on my phone.

Oxtail soup, which is phenomenal, and a total treat.  Takes FOREVER to make.

Brussel sprout salad.

Escargot.  She made mine with olive oil which was actually pretty awesome!  Yeah, not the buttery delight of the typical preparation, but seriously good.  

Horrible picture, but lobster thermidor, obviously not for me. 

I even put on "grown up" clothes.  Grudgingly. 

Yeah, that's a Christmas apron.

I had exactly two drinks.  Once glass of red, and one glass of this amazing ice wine.  My mother knows my weaknesses.

I stopped taking pictures of the food after the first few courses.  We had smoked pheasant, well, I had smoked pheasant. Since I couldn't have the lobster course, which pretty much filled everyone to the point of no return, I had unfettered access to the bird.  Which I devoured.  NOM.  Dessert was a red wine mousse and coffee and ice wine.  Yes, I had dessert.  Yes, I had a glass of ice wine.  Yes, I wanted to drink the entire bottle.  

I took a few pictures of the presents, not many.  I gave my mother two Le Creuset things, one casserole dish and a baking dish.  A book on Frank Gehry.  Boyfriend sent them two nice bottles of wine and this really neat dual wine chiller.  Dad got a bottle of Remy Martin XO and a book of classic PGA shots, which he seemed to enjoy.  

It was a really, really nice evening.  I would definitely classify dinner (dessert and wine, specifically) as a treat meal but it was well worth it.

I'm also glad that the Holidays are over and things are going back to what passes for normal around here.  I start school in a week, which means I really need to live up my last week of "stay at home Michelle".  I have a rough outline of my weekly schedule, and it's not bad.  I'm taking classes Tuesday/Thursday, pretty much all day.  I reworked my split, and did a little tinkering to my food plan to accommodate the scheduling changes.  I'm also giving serious consideration to competing next year.  2015 next year.  It's a huge commitment of both time and energy and I want to make sure that I'm fully prepared for what it entails before I make that decision.  

Hope everyone has a wonderful 2014!  2013 was not kind to so many of my friends and loved ones and honestly, I'm glad to see it go.  Oh, and I was in bed at 9:30pm on NYE, cause I'm super awesome like that.  My parents?  Up until 2:00am.  My parents are cooler than I am, but that's not news.  

Mid-February can't come fast enough.

Pinterest is Porn

Food porn.  Hours and hours upon hours of food porn.
I don't really have a substantial update, just wanted to pop in and ramble a little before breakfast.
I did not take food pictures at Thanksgiving; my mom isn't a fan of the digital documentation, and I was just busy enjoying my family.  I've been attempting to take a little step back from the constant internet/social media thing.  And just live.  A) I don't want to be rude, playing on my phone all of the time and B) I really should be consciously enjoying every second of my current situation.  Be present.

I just ordered a new heart rate monitor.  I currently have the Polar FT40 and it's been on the fritz.  I changed the battery in the watch itself, but the computer battery needs to be changed and is fairly impossible to open.  I purchased it two years ago, when I first started lifting/doing more than straight steady state cardio, and I didn't want to spend a ton of money if it wasn't something I'd stick with.  That was my initial justification for picking the gym I did, and not starting right away at LT, where I am now.  I'm glad, of course, that things worked out the way they did.  Who knows where I'd be if things happened differently.  I like the FT40, but I've upgraded to the FT60 and I'm excited to see how I find the change.  I'll keep you posted.

I reworked my food plan.  I've been feeling kind of fluffy lately.  I don't typically weigh myself because that can become quite a head game issue for me; I get obsessive and that's never healthy.  However, I wanted to see if the "fluffy" thing was all in my head or if I had been gaining.  So I weighed myself, and I need to get my diet back under control.  You can't out train a bad diet.  It's so true, to have visible (not just strength) improvement, I have to get my diet straightened out. Doesn't matter how on-point my workouts are, if I eat poorly I won't look the way I'd like to.  And that mentality was changing how I perceived the gym.  It became a game of hitting the right number of calories burned to justify what I was going to eat, or "I can quit now, I hit that number" - and leaving before I finished whatever I was training.  They shouldn't be so intertwined, mentally.  I need my diet to be good and I need to focus on form in the gym.
So, in sad news, I've eliminated the baked goods for breakfast.  Even though they're on point for my macros and are mostly clean, I feel that having something sweet in the morning sets me up for cravings all day long.  So breakfast is now baked chicken with sweet potato mash.  I'm kind of proud of the mash.  I combined a bag of cauliflower (frozen and thawed) to the cooked sweet potato in the Vitamix.  You can't tell the cauliflower is in there, and it makes the portion size much larger.  Score.  I'm being more diligent with my hydration, which is good.  The scale is already down 2 pounds; I think the initial jump was from a very extended cheat meal.  Or day.  Cheat day.  Sigh.
So, for anyone interested or just for my records, haha, here is the current meal plan.
1) Chicken and sweet potato mash
2) Recovery shake (drink 1/4 pre workout and finish in the car) - I finally bought good whey for this shake... Cellucor Cor-fetti flavor.  Yeah, they make funfetti flavored protein powder and it is AWESOME.  AWESOME.
3) Chicken, half a sweet potato, zucchini, asparagus and green beans
4) Crumbled chicken breast, browned with onion and green pepper, stuffed in half of an acorn squash
5) Grilled chicken stir fry with miracle noodles, asparagus, green beans and water chestnuts and sprouts
6) Casein shake with 80 calorie pack of Justin's almond butter.  I have to buy the more expensive, wasteful prepackaged nut butters.  Even PB2 is unsafe around me.  

So, reduced carbs, and about 200 calories of wiggle room that should be mostly protein but often isn't.  There are only two "unclean" foods in my diet.  Sugar free jello pudding mix (great for baking, frostings and protein shakes) and diet hot chocolate mix.  Yes, I know, I know, awful, but I love them and find them impossible to kick.  I'll get there.  There isn't even dairy in this plan.  I miss Greek yogurt dessert.  My last meal usually ends up in "protein ice cream" form, which means I: shake almond milk with casein and a pack of trivia and then pour it into an ice cube tray and freeze it for a few hours.  Then reblend in the Vitamix. I pretend it is ice cream.  Yesterday I was super good and the extra calories came from protein and fat.  I never hit my numbers for fat.  I think its some subconscious twitch from growing up in the late 80's and early 90's but I'm fat avoidant.  I'm working on it.

Presently, I'm torturing myself by looking at Pinterest for food inspiration.  My boyfriend's week will consist of bacon, egg and cheese bagel breakfast sandwiches, Oreo/M&M bars and meatballs.  Yeah, it's meatball week, haha.  Tonight will involved meatball bites.  Basically meatballs, marinara and mozzarella inside of a baked dough ball.  I want these things.  Sigh.  I also wanted to do meatball subs, but this is kind of like deconstructed meatball sandwiches so I'll have to come up with something else.  Meatball pizza?  Does that exist?  It does now.  Boom, problem solved.

Ok, gotta go eat some chicken breast and dream about my 9pm meal, aka reason to live.  Oh, almond butter.

I woke up happy and grateful today.  I'm grateful for what I am able to do, and not do.

Oh, almost forgot.  I am doing a three week cycle of circuit training, moderate weight and reps.  When I'm doing the work, I can't help but think, "this isn't doing anything.  I hate this.  I want to barf" and I despise it.  Then the next day, random things are sore, so I know it's working... And if I hate something this much, it must be good for me.  We shall see.  An example to illustrate how very much I hate this workout split:  Today is cardio day, and I'm delighted.  I prefer cardio to these circuits.  WHAT.  THE.  HECK.  Yeah, heck, I said it.  I never thought I'd look forward to cardio and abs day.  But parts of me are sore I didn't know existed until this week.  AND I've only done 3 of the 5 workouts.  There is another leg day headed my way and man, there are really some body weight moves that kill.  Kill me, anyway.  I am a lazy, low rep, heavy lifter.  I was doing lunges with a 25lb plate over my head, totally embarrassed to be A) lunging (I have no balance.  None.) and B) doing it for such an extended period of time.  My trainer buddy said hi to me, and I just kind of glared and nodded and finished my stupid lunges before talking to him.  About how much I hate circuit work (which, by the way I'm not doing very well, since I can find time to take a five minute break to bitch about the work, which should be done rapidly...) and I finally admit aloud the following, "Yeah, if it's over 8 reps I kind of hate it." Moo, meathead.  Lazy lifter! Cardio, what, is that Spanish?  Ha.  It's true, though.  There are days I think back to before I started living like this.  When I owned one pair of actual tennis shoes and never wore them.  When I didn't own yoga pants, or shorts, or really many sweatshirts.  When, if someone told me I'd be spending a big chunk of Saturday morning at the gym, I'd have laughed at them.  I don't recognize that person anymore, and that is so awesome.  I don't even recognize the person that came after that one. The cardio bunny who was scared of the weight room.  Seriously, what?  Who was that?!?  I used to love cardio???  I'm happy with my life.

Hope everyone has a great day!

For Claudia

Per request, here is a rough outline of how I make my baked protein goodies.  I tweak based on my mood, what ingredients I have on hand, and how the mix looks.  If I'm making pancakes, I add more liquid, less for muffins and mini loaves. I generally eat these for breakfast, or a pre-workout snack.  These fit my macros well, and are fairly low calorie. You can use more protein powder and up the wet ingredients accordingly to increase the protein content & calories.

The following is for an individual serving, generally one loaf or two jumbo muffins.  Or you can make it in a mug and microwave it for a few minutes.  Easy peasy.

DRY
2 tbsp coconut flour
1 tbsp oat flour
1 tbsp (.25 scoop) protein powder of choice.  (I've been using either Nutrabolics Iso in Cinnamon Oatmeal or Cellucor Whey Molten Chocolate a lot lately.)
2 to 3 packets stevia (yes, I have a sugar problem)
pinch of baking powder (1/4 tsp?)
*If I'm making a chocolate one, I'd add 1 tbsp Hershey's baking cocoa
*Don't need salt if you're using protein powder; it's in there
Mix dry ingredients

WET
3 to 4 tbsp liquid egg white
1/4 cup pure pumpkin puree OR 1/3 medium banana (melt banana in microwave for easy mashing)
*I choose based on the flavor I'm going for.  With chocolate, either works.  For berry, the banana is best.  Either is good alone.  If you're using berries, add 1/4 cup frozen mixed berries & microwave with banana.
Splash of vanilla /butter/maple/extract of choice
1/4 to 1/2 cup milk of choice (Water works, too.)
*Note about the milk:  when baking with coconut flour, you generally need more liquid.  I don't measure, I just eyeball it.  Let the mix sit for a minute or two, as the flour will continue to absorb.  
Add to dry ingredients and mix.
Adjust to desired consistency.
*Lately, I've been adding a splash of apple cider vinegar to activate the baking powder; it makes them fluffier.  I only do this for the muffins or loaves.

Bake at 375* for 30 to 35 minutes.  I start checking it around 30 minutes.  The longest I've had to bake them was 40.  If you're making a mug cake, it's about 2 to 3 minutes, depending on the strength of your microwave.

If you'd like a topping, here are some suggestions:
Walden Farms syrups
Protein sludge (Protein powder mixed with a small amount of milk)
Greek yogurt with protein powder blended in.  Or, if you eat it, Jello Pudding Sugar Free mix, 1 tbsp., when blended into yogurt, turns into something with a consistency VERY similar to frosting.  It's just not "clean" if you care.
Laughing cow light original with a packet of stevia and a splash of milk, microwaved briefly and blended together
Melted banana/berries